Journal October 2026 Special DISPUK Release_Full Version - Flipbook - Page 125
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Unsolicited, Know-It-All Helpfulness
Because the normalizing gaze is constantly focused on where people fall short, it
often leaves us with an impulse—with the best of intentions—to help those we
see, even without their asking for it. We try to guide them forward, make them
realize where they are wrong, or shape them to fit the norms.
This often manifests as an impulse to do something to the person rather than
with the person; we may feel the urge to help before we9ve even asked if help is
wanted at all—to teach them to control their temper, believe in themselves more,
not take things so seriously, or gain more self-awareness.
Our culture is full of this kind of often unsolicited, know-it-all helpfulness—both in
professional contexts and in everyday life. And with Hilde Lindemann Nelson in
mind, one might ask whether—precisely in our attempt to help—we sometimes
systematically end up assigning people morally degrading identities that make
them candidates for special treatment, of which the help itself is one example?
Counterstories Can Repair Damaged Identities
It is one thing to be mindful of the morally degrading identities I may help assign
to others. But in a culture rife with degrading rituals, we must also ask ourselves
what we can do when identities have already been damaged by such labels.
Here, Hilde Lindemann Nelson's approach is very familiar to narrative practice.
She refers to counterstories as
