Journal December 2025 Release - Flipbook - Page 94
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vulnerable, to feel awkward, to name emotions, to face pain, and to recognize its
impact. The result was a counterstorying of long-held reservations that influenced
his presence as a client, and mine as his therapist. Now, we were connected in
more sincere ways. For me, that counterstory left a lasting impact on my work
with other young men I would have once felt awkward around, lifting the barriers
that had stood in the way of the work I was meant to do with them and for them.
Over time, I not only learned to sit with the awkwardness; I managed to lean into
it and use it to my advantage. In my work with Quentin, this shift opened space
for conversations about past traumas, grief, and deep-seated low self-esteem. It
also gave me permission to experiment with less conventional therapeutic
practices, for example, Internalized Other Interviewing (Burnham, 2000; Epston,
1993; Tomm, 2010, 2025). This curious practice, perhaps sometimes
uncomfortable by nature or design, became a shared tool through which we
embraced awkwardness rather than evading it. And it was through this very
awkwardness that we found our way into conversations that exposed how pain
had shaped Quentin’s life and fueled unhelpful coping strategies.
The absent but beloved: An encounter with loss to remember the self
Internalized Other Questioning (IOQ) draws from the premise that we carry the
relational presence of others within us. It invites clients to step into those
internalized echoes by speaking from the imagined perspective of someone
significant in their lives (Epston, 1993; Tomm, 2025). The therapist addresses the
client as if speaking to that other person, creating the condition for the client to
encounter themselves through the relational lens of the other’s experience and
understanding. In this sense, IOQ is not a performance or role-play but a reflexive
inquiry into one’s relationship with the internalized community that shapes
identity and meaning (Tomm, 2025).
David Epston once shared with me that many narrative therapists shy away from
Internalized Other practices (D. Epston, personal communication, July 17, 2017).
This piqued my curiosity, and I wondered, Is it because of how awkward these
practices can feel in the room? I’ll admit, I too, had my own moments of
hesitation and sometimes avoided such practices altogether. I often found myself
preparing more carefully before sessions where I planned to use Internalized
Other questions. And yet, I never stopped trying them because I genuinely
In the Company of Awkwardness: Counterstorying Toughness in Therapy
Journal of Contemporary Narrative Therapy, December 2025 Release, p. 88 -106.
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