Journal December 2025 Release - Flipbook - Page 90
88
In the Company of Awkwardness: Counterstorying Toughness in Therapy
Mauricio P. Yabar1
The story related in this paper is real, retold here to the best of my recollection.
Any edits were made solely for purposes of length and clarity, never to alter the
story itself. The transcript and prose poem herein are included with permission
from the person at the center of the story. However, because of the deeply
personal nature of what is discussed, identifying details, including names, have
been redacted.
Introduction
When I was growing up, there was not a single day when I wasn’t teased by the
athletes or “jocks” at my school. I learned to cope in quiet, strategic ways, namely
avoidance. I became adept at steering clear of the areas where they typically
gathered. However, I often felt exposed and vulnerable under the gaze of boys
and men eager to point out the ways I failed to conform to societal expectations. I
survived school, but the experience left me scared, mistrustful, and fearful of
others, especially those who embodied traditionally masculine traits. This isn’t an
uncommon experience among gay men, many of whom learn to navigate the
world by suppressing essential parts of themselves, often at the cost of fuller,
more liberated lives.
Even after the boys from school were long gone, my fears and mistrust lingered.
Which is why it might come as a surprise that, after becoming a therapist, I
packed up and moved 1,748 miles to begin a career as an adolescent therapist in
an all-boys residential facility. Unsurprisingly, these early injuries shaped how I
engaged with the young men I worked with. No matter how deeply I wanted to
help, I was often overwhelmed by anxiety, unsure of how to show up
authentically in these relationships. Once again, I was doing my best to cope, but
this time, avoidance was no longer an option. I had made an important
commitment as a helper, and my clients needed me to pursue an alternative
path.
1
mauricio.yabar@sru.edu
In the Company of Awkwardness: Counterstorying Toughness in Therapy
Journal of Contemporary Narrative Therapy, December 2025 Release, p. 88 -106.
www.journalnft.com
