Journal December 2025 Release - Flipbook - Page 106
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Quentin described writing this thoughtful reflection on his experience of anxiety,
which he held onto for several weeks before finally deciding to share it in therapy.
Reflecting on his hesitation to share his writings about anxiety, Quentin explained
that his struggle with awkwardness had kept him from embracing an important
part of himself: “It’s a part of me that I’m not really in touch with and that I didn’t
identify with until recently. It is a part of me that uses metaphors and is more
poetic. I guess it is a poetic intelligence if I try, but I didn’t care in the past.” I
wondered if this reluctance was tied to Quentin’s tendency to perform toughness
in the world. In earlier conversations, we had used the metaphor of “wearing a
mask” to describe this way of showing up. He described, “The mask… the football
player me was celebrated by all people. It was something that set me apart and
made me feel that I was the best at something.” As we grew more curious about
the Quentin-behind-the-mask, we began to catch glimpses of him, thanks in part
to the awkwardness we had learned to welcome into our conversations. As he
gave voice to the person behind the mask, he reflected, “I have a soft side and a
poetic side, a side of me that was really in pain and that I was running away from.
This is a side of me that second-guesses and that limits the steps I can take in my
life. It is indeed a better version of me. It is this side of me that got me to bring in
my writings on my experience of anxiety. The old version might not have brought
it.”
I rejoiced at hearing Quentin refer to an “old version” of himself, confirming my
suspicion that something had shifted. He went on to describe how he had
internalized patriarchal beliefs like, “guys aren’t really supposed to do that kinda
thing… showing a softer side, having a poetic and more vulnerable side.” This gave
rise to important conversations where rigid ideas of masculinity were further
deconstructed, allowing us to explore how they had influenced Quentin’s identity,
limited his emotional expression, and fueled ongoing pain and self-defeating
choices.
Counterstories born in relationship
In this paper, I have reflected on how my personal childhood wounds once
influenced my work as a therapist with young male clients. I explored notions of
masculinity and the demand for toughness, and how such dynamics can
complicate therapeutic work between male therapists and male clients. For me,
In the Company of Awkwardness: Counterstorying Toughness in Therapy
Journal of Contemporary Narrative Therapy, December 2025 Release, p. 88 -106.
www.journalnft.com
