Journal December 2025 Release - Flipbook - Page 105
103
My first time standing up on a surfboard was some kind of
accomplishment. No longer did I feel at the mercy of the mighty
ocean. I felt a surge of energy, a thrill. It wasn’t the exact same wave
that had beaten me down as a child, but one just like it. It was not as
if I had beaten a former foe, but more as if I found a new friend. A
person whose friendship I had been resisting, maybe because I had
not yet learned how to play along. The same thing that had me
frightened for my life had become something fun and exhilarating.
Not because the ocean was now different, but my relationship with it
was.
Anxiety is like the ocean. It is an energy that comes in waves. It can
drown you and leave you tumbling. But if you learn how to paddle
into it, and stand out in front of it, you can ride it and unleash feelings
of joy within you.
I am no longer scared of my anxiety the way I used to be. It used to
wash over me, leaving me speechless and out of breathe. Now I
recognize its waves and I’ve begun to learn how to ride. Some waves
are meeting new people, some waves are opening up and not liking
what I will find, some waves are revisiting the death of a dear friend.
As a child these things would beat me down and keep me under the
surface. But, as a man I’m learning how to go with it. Standing on a
surfboard is much like standing in the face of your anxiety. It isn’t a
sure thing. You’re going to fall quite a bit, and once you’re up, there’s
no guarantee you stay there. But with time and a lot of discomfort,
you become more acquainted with the waves.
I am now at a point where I have ridden some of these waves to
completion. I have been faced with a lot of anxieties and worries, but
I have now taken notice of the energy it brings into my being. I do not
run from it like I used to , but instead I find a way to ride with it. I
have found that I often find feelings along the way that are amazing.
I try to stay out in front of that energy, and when you do it right you
can find feelings you never would have found, had you stayed on the
shore.
In the Company of Awkwardness: Counterstorying Toughness in Therapy
Journal of Contemporary Narrative Therapy, December 2025 Release, p. 88 -106.
www.journalnft.com
