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Unknown to me, Tom had died the night before.50
When we focus our energy on entering another person9s world with
curiosity, bending our attention persistently and compassionately
towards trying to understand their experience, we cast aside the veil
of denial, and enter a realm of many possibilities. We may find there
loss and suffering, but also more love and virtue than we dreamed
was possible. We may find creativity, and the extraordinary in the
everyday, or we may be called on to witness distress, and paradoxes
that challenge us. However, when we meet people in this realm of
their creation, we can join with them; to find chinks of light in dark
places, give voice to silenced stories and maybe, find solace in love.
(Pilkington, 2017, p. 73)
Acknowledgements
I am indebted to 8Tom9 for his generosity in sharing his story and to 8Cherie9 for
her support of the idea. I want to thank David Epston for his longstanding
guidance and support over many years. This story wouldn9t have been written
without his faith in me. I also want to thank Aileen Cheshire for her useful
feedback early on, Kay Ingamells for her encouragement as I struggled with my
writing, and Natalia Troncoso and Mike Edwards for their thoughtful suggestions.
My husband Gavin, as always, has supported my dreams of writing and the long
hours I spend shut in my office.
References
Baines, B. (2002). Ethical wills: Putting your values on paper. Da Capo Press.
Bird, J. (2000). The heart9s narrative: Therapy and navigating life9s contradictions.
50 The conversations I had with Tom were informed by Narrative Therapy (White & Epston, 1990) ideas. They
illustrate externalizing conversations (Bird, 2000; White, 1984) that seek out an alternative story/ counter-story to
an idea that is the problem. For Tom, the problem idea was that
